Today, someone came up to me and said, “If you really wanted to be a good girl, you could…..” and went on to suggest I do something “special” for a specific someone.
I’ve given this “interaction” a lot of thought and my first response was to get upset. My ego kicked in and thought, ‘so she thinks I’m not a good girl, and then, what do they say about me… I’m a bad girl? I turn 50 in a month, I’m no girl.’
Just yesterday morning I had a conversation with a friend about the negative connotations and intonations, the words we choose, inferring gender inequality, inequity and even internalized misogyny (of which my 21 yr old daughter educated me on, recently), where even woman see woman through patriarchally blinded eyes. Hmmm, this was one of those times. I was experiencing someone else’s internalized misogyny. But, for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why…
Another thing that struck me was the word “good.” It implies that whatever I am doing right now is not “good” or “good enough.” This is a judgement, and I went on immediate ego-pilot and wanted to judge right back. The thoughts I started having became unkind. I started to get angry.
Since studying A Course In Miracles, ACIM, I am learning that everything is either Love or a call for Love. So, when something happens that is unloving, I am slowly learning to recognize that I don’t know what this incident, situation, thought or feeling is for. The best thing for me to do to better understand is to hand it over to the Spirit of Truth to help me interpret the “thing” in a loving way.
I handed it over. I asked the Spirit of Truth to show me what this was for, how could I see this interaction differently. I didn’t like what I perceived and knew my unkind perceptions are always ego based and not reality.
Only Love is real.
After a few minutes of handing it over… And, over… It came to me as a quiet and loving insight: she is struggling with being a “good girl” and projected her anger and frustration on to you.
Ah…… So this is how projection works!
Here, lies the internal battle. Anger, guilt and frustration, are projected outwards because we deny our true feelings around what our is in our heart and what our ego tells us it needs and desires.
We all have choices. We either choose to side with the ego and have regrets, guilt and anger because we are not following our true path, or we choose to follow our hearts and as a result experience, peace and serenity, all aspects of Love.
But what to do about her unloving request? Nothing. It wouldn’t matter what I did or didn’t do for this specific person because it wouldn’t be from the right place.
It wouldn’t be right because it is not in my nature to do what was suggested. When I don’t live authentically, I become upset with myself for going against my own heart, my truth.
What I can do is send loving energy to those of us who feel trapped in roles the ego assigns to us. And, ask our Loving Source that we learn to acknowledge and accept out truth as it is and allow social norms and expectations to roll away, like water off a ducks’ back.
Ketut, the Bali Medicine Man,whom Elizabeth Gilbert met and wrote about in Eat, Pray, Love, suggested to Elizabeth that she have always all four, feet and hands, plants firmly on the ground, to think only with her heart and let palm fronds grow from her head.
It’s an interesting vision. One I will never forget because, I painted it many years ago…
His advice was to cut out the middle man, our minds, the ego, and live from the heart… From Love. Which, reminds me that: If it isn’t Love and Loving, its a call for Love, patience and compassion. The one thing I can do is send this person who is struggling, love, lots and lots of love.
Thank you for choosing Love by reading this… I send to you, all my unconditional Love.