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I too, know the loss of a Mother

Before she ever left the body

Vacant eyes, saddening sighs

Questions, seemingly so silly

No longer there

To comfort or encourage

To chastise or swear

Admittedly, I had thought 

It would be better 

If she were gone

But when that happened

Anger came to the surface

What was going on?

I wanted to understand

How could I be angry

And, miss her at the same time?

Through the tears and the years

Brooding and brooding

Questioning and analyzing

I prayed, “Please, help me understand”

Why her and not them?

There were times

When all I did was undermine 

I didn’t want to accept that she was leaving

Right before my very eyes

I was so selfish

Only thinking of me

Then, one day it came to me…

The challenge is in loving 

Beyond my anger and my fear

I had to accept

She was not her body

Or, her thoughts

Her actions, nor, her inertia

Not her fears,

Or, sorrows, or, her pain

This lesson I have had to learn

Again and, again

And still, every now and then

People keep me guessing

Who are they?

Why one?

And, not another?

I must constantly remind myself

These eyes fail me

They cannot see reality

I need to remember you 

For that’s what you taught me

When you left way too soon 

Sometimes

I feel you near

You have given me the greatest of gifts

You help me to see

Beyond mere physicality

Thank you

For being exactly who you were

Every moment of every day

Mom, you remain in my heart

Never to be apart

For, you and I are one.

In the spirit of Christmas…This poem is dedicated to all of you who lost a loved one, who was a Mom or like a Mom, who may or may not have been affected by mental illness and/or dementia.

Rest In Peace, Aunt Shirley Risser, Aunt Bea Risser, Aunt Marion Wamboldt, Aunt Shirley Himmelman and Mom (Jean Louise Morrison).

Featured Image- Crystal Crescent Beach, Nova Scotia, 25 December 2016

© Dec 2016 Judi Risser All Rights Reserved

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